dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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