his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
