Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize