Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
