Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
