how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
