Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
