so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I need water and some morals
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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