so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
