found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize