Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
