Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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