last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
