hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
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