names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
