Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize
