I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
