i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
