I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize