Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
