his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
