at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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