Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
