Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
