I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
