I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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