My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
