Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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