dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
