you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
