I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I love having hate sex.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
