I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
