Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
