were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
