just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
