Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
