Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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