I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I need to calm my uterus...
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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