I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
