All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
