Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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