Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
