She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He better not be in your backpack
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
