I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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