I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i will never coherently bang her
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
