is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
