Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I enjoy the company of your penis
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
