his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
