They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
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