put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
