I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
