Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
