I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
