HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
