Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
