Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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