if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
