omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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