I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
