He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
