You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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