You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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