separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
