he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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