so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
