This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
