My room smells like vodka and shame
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
my liver is dry heaving
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
