I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
