i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
