either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
My hand turned me down
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
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