he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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