I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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