Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
