this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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