Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
