Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
