I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I had to cum in my sink.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
