i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize