i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
