Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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