Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
