Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
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