This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
