I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
