Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize