i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
